A hesitant farther tries to play Clash Royale with his son, and comes to some surprising conclusions about free-to-play games.
It is clear I am not the target audience for this game and my aim in playing it was different to most people, so I want to be fair and point out immediately the positives of Clash Royale upfront. The presentation is very, very slick, although derivative, and what there is of the gameplay is surprisingly tense and enjoyable.
I also need to point out that I was biased before I even played it. I instinctively look down my nose at these silly little freemium games that are aimed at those dreadful ‘casual’ players who have sprung up everywhere and quite simply know no better, unlike me and my hand-picked collection of exquisite mid ‘90s strategy games that don’t work properly on modern computers.
So why did I end up playing Clash Royale at all, never mind reviewing it? The fact that GameCentral doesn’t have time to delve into these games, so I am filling a gap in my fave gaming site? The need to try a different genre of game for a change to freshen the gaming palate? Dowser, Jr. and his addicted mates nagging me every five minutes to play it and join their clan? Maybe a little of all the above. But ultimately, the last one.
I’m sure a lot of readers already know more about these games than me so I ask for patience, just like I asked dowser, Jr. for patience when it loaded up and I didn’t have a clue what was going on. Clash Royale is a Tower Defense game. Tower Defense? Is that a bit like… Rampart son? God I’m old. You are given a fantasy set of troops (ground, air, special) which you place in a simplistic arena and fight a timed battle against an opponent who has a similar but not identical set of troops.
Your troops attack the opponent’s three towers and try to destroy them and vice versa. Destroying more towers than them means you win. Drawing means you go into golden goal territory – next tower wins. Lose and… well, not a lot happens really. I quickly realised you have to watch your defence and have counter pieces ready to play to thwart enemy attacks rather than simply going with all out attacks.
In fact my troops managed to win a few tense battles against real world opponents and both times with about five seconds left on the clock – and my god, I nearly punched the air. Over the next few days I played quite a few more battles and that confirmed my first impressions; the battles themselves are short, tense, simplistic, and absorbing.
There are vague shades of the great games in there too. Command & Conquer was the most obvious one that came to mind, but there is even a nod to my fave type of games – strategy games like Civilization and Pharaoh, where you are constantly striving for slight advantages that make the difference to the overall battle.
But of course I soon realised that despite all the different types of troops that was it. There was no more sophistication to the gameplay. Mind you, did I expect anything else really? So I asked dowser, Jr. if I could now join his clan, so that I could go back to the care home I came from. But no. You can only join a clan at level 3. I am still only level 1.
How come? I just won a load of battles so my level must have gone up?
Actually – no Dad.
Why not?
You didn’t actually get any XP for winning any of those battles.
What?! Well, how do you get XP then?
By upgrading troops.
I’m confused. OK – how do I upgrade them?
Opening chests and getting enough cards so your troops level up. Get wrecked Dad!
Really? So how do I get more chests?
Well, either win battles or actually, Dad the game gives you them for free on a regular basis. You don’t have do anything. Just wait.
That didn’t sound like what I’ve heard about these freemium games. Something for nothing? I thought they were all about nothing for something. And yet as I looked in the online shop of the game I saw staring back at me the evil empire, the fully developed spirit-crushing freemium model that is surely wrecking my beloved hobby once and for all. So what was going on? It turns out Clash Royale is all about gameplay after all. But the name of game it really wants to play with you is called ‘the waiting game’.
I guess a lot (maybe all) freemium models must work this way, but having no experience I am happy to hear differently if my conclusion is wrong. The models success seems to depend on that all too human flaw we call impatience. I imagine the programmers must have an image in their head of their ideal consumer: young kids, modern children, glued to screens who have an absolute and utter inability to wait for anything at all in life – and will therefore get their parents, via nag power, to pay real money to short circuit all this dreadful real world waiting to progress in the game and level up.
After all, the chests they give you for free are basic ones; who knows what goodies await in the big shiny magical and very expensive chests in the shop.
What they perhaps haven’t calculated though is how well this waiting game fits my life. In fact, I must praise this game for fitting into my lifestyle far better than GTA V ever did. I have a wife, kids, dog, mortgage, job – the whole catastrophe. When Clash Royale tells me it’s three whole hours to wait before I can open that new chest (but you can pay to open it quicker) I say OK, I can wait. When it says eight hours to wait before I can open that special shiny chest (but you can pay to open it quicker) I say no problem I’ve got lots to do.
When it says next chest in 12 hours I say, ‘12 hours? That will fly past’. 12 hours is a heck of a long time in dowser, Jr.’s life. But it’s not a long time in mine.
So that now left me in a strange situation, one I couldn’t remember being in in a game. The gameplay, which I think I have justifiably praised, became redundant. There was no need to battle. There was no need to win and get another chest, because every few hours the game gave me a free chest to open anyway. So I got on with life and waited for the upgrade messages to appear on the status bar, telling me a chest was waiting for me to open and slowly and randomly enough of my characters levelled up to level 3.
Once this mighty barrier was reached I could finally join ‘da bosses’ clan and fulfil my parent-son bond once again. I know that isn’t the aim of many people who will play this game, but it was my aim.
I did also ask dowser, Jr. what were the benefits of joining the clan.
Well it means you can chat and stuff, he told me. Isn’t that great? We can chat online and stuff. That’s progress. Clash Royale and its ilk, that must be progress too. I must give it a score.
What else can I give it but… free out of ten (sorry).
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